Personally, I love to watch long term couples tie. They are the best players. It is as if they already have a "foundation", a thick and mature quality to their intimacy in ropes. I think there are also couple-specific struggles that come with it. When I discovered my notes from online coaching a while ago, when someone asked me about "couples in semenawa", I thought these questions are so good and probably relevant for many (of course it does not have to be semenawa), so I wanted to share them here, with some of my answers...
Things that couples new to Semenawa might be overlooking or taking for granted?
Being a couple – especially a long-term couple – in ropes is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, we seem to “always” have a partner to do ropes with (of course, this isn’t always true:) On the other hand, we are doomed to friction – not only from the ropes, but from what we left (or rather didn’t leave) at home. And that’s quite normal for people in relationships. The challenge is how we choose to deal (or dance?) with these frictions: whether we can create something of much greater intensity, building on our history and pre-existing intimacy, or whether it is something we turn against each other…
Things that new couples to Semenawa should be making a priority. And things they should be concerned about?
I think we should make it a priority to find our authentic expression. An expression that is rooted in our own sexuality, intimacy, and power dynamic, that is unique to us as a couple, not what we have learned or seen in the workshop. Our own rituals. Our own communication. We all have our own reasons for choosing to do semenawa (or any other rope, for that matter). Learning a craft is often about coping at first, and that is perfectly normal. We repeat and we learn, but then don’t be afraid to deviate towards your own expression.
Relationships come first:) Seme-nawa is a means, not a goal.
What in your opinion makes strong partners?
I think it’s the ability to reinvent.. embrace the change. We often make assumptions about our partners. It is so easy to make an assumption when you know each other so well. Again, that’s a normal thing. But also, contrary to popular belief, people change:) Over time, our partners will get bored (or inspired by something new!), or want to question something about themselves, or want to explore something different from what you normally do. It is an art in relationships not to hold your partner captive to what you think you know about them. Allowing for a change, embracing a change, makes you a resilient and alive couple, in lfe and in ropes.
These are just a few thoughts. I am sure there is more to say on this subject. Appreciate each other and the stories you write together.