In 2015 I started with professional Sexological Bodywork training. SexBod for people to learn about themselves and their sexuality and how to support them with that. Empower people to make a change for themselves. Giving them tools. There are a handful of tools: touch, breath, sound, movement, and placement of attention…
I met Joseph Kramer, and that was totally life-changing event for me. He is a very kind person and a real visionary. His whole life is dedicated to the idea of “pulling people back to their bodies”.
So I was introduced to this idea that all those questions I had, what I want and what I don’t want, all these things I was essentially so confused about, they are not really “concepts” to know, but feelings to feel.
Feelings that literally take place in my body.
And this is the way to know.
Learning Two: How do you know about things? => You feel them in your body! (Joseph)
All those things I was confused about, like what I like and don’t like, my limits, and so on, I was learning to feel them in my body. It felt like the right pathway for me and it still does…
This is also the same idea behind my book. As we started teaching ropes, our students, rope bottoms, would ask me questions like “Is it safe?” “When is it a bad pain?” “Where are my limits?” Etc. And I really wanted to give them good answers, and the only good answer that I found was: “You feel it”. If I ever answer anything different, I would start telling them my answers. Indoctrinating them.
But I also knew the answer like “You feel it” it’s not helpful for the person, who doesn’t know how to feel. I know that because I was one of these people before 2015.
So I saw my mission in helping people to feel (themselves) exactly like my teacher.
Look, the question itself is transforming:
Instead of asking “Is it safe?” => try to ask “How does safety feel in my body?”
It is a completely different question.
The first question asks you to check in with some external guidelines.
The second question puts you in the authority of your own experience. And it shows you a pathway to knowing…
By feeling it in your body.
to be continued…