During one of the last Semenawa Labs in KOR Berlin a lovely couple caught my attention: they are practicing some floorwork, and yet keeping the connected, playful vibe… Noticing my attention, they are calling me in to ask a question. To my surprise, the question goes:
“My model is bored… Do you have any input on that?”
Oh boy, where to start?
- Riggers’ biggest fear
I suspect that the idea of your rope bottom being bored might be the biggest fear the riggers, especially beginner riggers, have. It’s not to drop the model dead on the floor. It’s a failure to entertain them.
Rope education has done its share here. There is a lot of demand and expectations on the rigger to pay attention to the model, to be connected, communicative, creative, dominant… – this all on top of getting the friction right.
I also think there might be confusion about the roles, expectations, and intentions, especially in the beginning, which is completely normal. I personally found the question “Who is it for?” to be very helpful to address this confusion.
- Who is it for?
Yes I know it is mutual. You both get to enjoy what you are doing, of course! It is not about who is enjoying it. It is about whose wishes you follow at this rope session, who is getting a gift… Read more here if it’s a new idea for you. And here is the original concept from one of my teachers Betty Martin.
What I love about this question is that it opens the space for exploration. It is not about getting the right/wrong answer, but this is for you both to question your assumptions. If this practice is for the rigger, then maybe there is a space for the model to be bored and it’s not a problem…? If this practice is for the model, then go for it, and tell them exactly how you want it…?
This question will not ruin your mutuality. But it will help you not to end up in a place where it’s for neither of you and no one says anything.
- Boredom is a beautiful emotion to explore
Technically speaking, boredom is an emotion.
When one of the common intentions for rope bottoms is to explore their emotions in ropes, as we often hear so in the workshops, what should possibly stop us from exploring this one as well?
And I really mean it. What if we stop fidgeting for a moment and waiting for something new to happen and just breathe into this sensation – b-o-r-e-d-o-m – and sit with it? Whilst your partner is practicing the knots. Give it a try. It will not kill you. Most likely, you will discover new stuff about yourself, your partner, and your dynamic together.
I did my best to give the lovely couple some input on the spot. The rigger said there was something for them to reflect on. The model said she wasn’t that bored anyway and I’m sure she meant it.
Whatever your dynamic is: talking is necessary, also talking about your fears and doubts, your hopes, desires and expectations, your assumptions and fantasies. What our impression of the other is, might not even be true. Ask them about it. You looked a bit bored to me, have you been bored?
Btw next Semenawa Lab will take place on the 05th of January in KOR Berlin. Join us!