Coming back to that “passive” idea of bottoming, my rope journey just started when I shifted the focus from my partner to myself. And started asking, what do I bring in the session? What is my role? How do I show up in this encounter?
I believe it’s really necessary for bottoms to think about these questions. And it is very enriching, too.
Surrender has become my story, and there is really a lot that I discovered in it. But it is definitely not true for everyone. There are millions of ways to be in ropes and surrender is just one of them…
Learning Five. What do you like to bring into ropes? (Miho Ikeda)
I like to finish this series by quoting the unforgettable Miho san, the model of Sugiura san. She said something like: “Don’t just come in with your expectations, expecting to look beautiful. Ask yourself: What do you bring in ropes”
I think we (rope bottoms) can bring a lot and can have a lot of influence on how the session goes. And I don’t mean “topping from the bottom” 🙂
We can be inspiring. Just how we appear, and what mood we bring in with ourselves, has a meaning. Creating an impulse… an offer.
We can be accommodating: being open to the desires of our partners. They need to feel safe, to go for their desires. This is terrifying to think something will happen to your partner if you just do what you want. Isn’t it? I think it’s a real art to make them safe.
We can be available for the impact. It’s always our choice, I believe. No matter how strong the rope of my partner is, if I check out, there is nothing he can do to reach me. I can tense up, to put on a muscular shell around my body. If I close my heart, he cannot reach me emotionally. Being available for – especially uncomfortable ropes – is entirely our choice…
It doesn’t matter what the dynamic is, whether it is about surrender or being a brat or objectification, I think we all want to have an encounter, to be seen by the partner and to see them. So when they try to say something, with the rope, we can try to listen. Maybe it’s just a whisper. But I think we make it real by listening…