I got a question from someone, who wants to explore getting in touch with their emotions and triggering releases while in ropes. Observing all the crying that seems to happen every so often with others in ropes, they wonder if they are “missing something”.
It is a very valid and deep question. Here are my few thoughts on that.
No pressure – the most important one!
Be mindful if you pressure yourself to fulfill some narrative about how it should be or look like. Or that it should feel big or dramatic. I know we all see these pictures all the time, but it doesn’t have to be like that. Some experiences are very quiet, but that doesn’t make them less valuable. The only value is meeting yourself. Having your experience. Living through your body, your skin.
It’s the same in ropes and in life
It’s not just a “rope” issue. I think that the depth of feeling myself in ropes is about the same as the depth of feeling myself in life. Many of us struggle to feel ourselves. Maybe due to past experiences, maybe the environment was requiring us to shut down and disconnect, whatever it is, we gradually unlearn to feel. If we want to feel, we need to re-learn it.
It’s a commitment to feel what you feel.
At every moment, even when it doesn’t fit.
It’s a commitment to come back with your attention all the time back to your body.
If it’s not something natural to you at the moment, it will take time to relearn that.
It takes time and exercise
There are no shortcuts. Also if you have access to good guidance that can be helpful. Any somatic practice guiding you into the body, be it yoga or dance or whatever can help…
Trust and clear “container” with your partner
Trusting your partner is important. Also what is important is the clarity that you are both on the same page and it’s ok for your partner that you might dive into your emotions and things start shifting. But it doesn’t replace the “Me”-part. Where you need to do the learning by yourself.
Self-practice
It might be helpful to create the space and time for intentional practice. Self-practice may feel like less pressure. When the only focus is on myself. No need to worry about the partner. (I sound like an orgasm coach, but hey, it’s similar:)
What to feel? You feel physical sensations that take place in your body: this is the most direct pathway. It might show up as a temperature (warmth or the opposite – cool sensation), or pressure (some places in your body that feel more tense or more relaxed and heavy), or a movement (tingling, streaming, or something like that).
Very concrete sensations that take place in your body.
There are exercises like body scan. It’s a guided practice of attending to your body. If you do this kind of exercise for one week, one month. Then you will be tied next time, you will feel more: I promise. 100% money guarantee.
Time. Repetition. Commitment to feel. This is the recipe 🙂
Very important: if you don’t feel a thing, this is also fine. It’s the act of noticing that counts.
Happy explorations!